Sometimes IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE A BUNDLE OF JOY.

• Are you feeling especially sad or anxious since having a baby? 

• Do you worry that you’re not connecting with your baby like you’re “supposed” to?

• Do you spend time wishing that things could go back the way they were? 

• Are you feeling alone and unsure if you can do this whole parenting thing? 

Having a baby is a tremendous life altering event. It may be something that you have hoped for and dreamed of happening for a long time.

You see your friends happy and fulfilled after having a baby, and wonder if there is something wrong with you because you’re not feeling the same way. Is it just the “baby blues”? Or something more?

You spend much of your time worrying about what might go wrong or feeling sad and disconnected during this “honeymoon phase” with baby. All the time wondering, “Will I ever feel normal again?” 

IT’S NORMAL TO FEEL DEPRESSED AFTER HAVING A BABY

Here are the facts: 

• 60-80% of women will have some kind of depressive symptoms (what you may have heard of as the “baby blues”) immediately following birth.* 

• 10-20% of women will develop longer term psychiatric conditions, including depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, or even psychosis and ptsd.**

This means that if you have five mothers in a room, four of them are likely feeling sad or disconnected or other symptoms of depression. 

One of the five may meet the criteria for a diagnosis of postpartum depression, anxiety or another type of perinatal distress.

This is normal. 

Being “normal,” does not make it “easy.”

One of the biggest reasons that postpartum depression is so painful is because of the expectation that everything should be going fine. 

Everyone is so busy being excited about your sweet new baby, the little outfit they’re wearing, and their adorable spit up, that they forget to even ask how you’re doing. How you’re feeling and coping doesn’t seem to be a high priority. 

We call them “bundles of joy” after all, so get on with being happy (and joyful!). 

The truth is that the pressures and expectations for being happy following the birth of a new baby is only one of the reasons for normal postpartum distress. 

Other factors that impact a woman’s susceptibility for postpartum distress: 

• Past experiences with depression, anxiety, mental illness, or trauma. 

• The involvement and support of your partner.

• Your greater constellation of support.

• The massive hormonal and physiological shift that happens following the birth of a baby.

• Sleep deprivation post baby.  

Things can be hard for fathers too. 

It is estimated that 24-50% of new dads whose spouse has postpartum depression also qualify for their own mental health diagnosis (such as depression, anxiety or obsessive compulsive disorder).*** 

Postpartum therapy can be an extremely helpful tool to aid in the transition to parenthood, so you can begin to truly focus on enjoying your baby and supporting your physical and mental recovery. 

Evidenced based POSTPARTUM THERAPY

Most new parents experience some level of distress, and at Ashland Family Counseling, I am passionate about helping you navigate this highly stressful time so that you can not only begin to truly enjoy your baby, but thrive in your new role as a parent. 

When dealing with these sensitive issues, you want to find a postpartum therapist that combines specific training and experience in working with the issues of postpartum distress with a gentle, yet hopeful approach. 

Whether the feelings you are experiencing began before your baby was born, or a year after their birth, postpartum counseling can help you understand your emotions, address the level of support you need, and start feeling more like yourself again. 

Because this issue is so multifaceted, the first step of the counseling process is to look at all of the factors that may have contributed to your emotional response to having a baby. 

The need to feel better is extremely pressing, so we will also focus on finding some immediate solutions to your problems. 

This will look like practical ways of addressing not only your emotions, but the factors in your life that are not helping you make this transition into your new family life (such as lack of sleep or general self-care, unhelpful family members, the pressures of other responsibilities, etc.).

Stability is the first goal. 

We will use several techniques to identify and then disrupt the negative thoughts, emotions, and anything else you are experiencing as a result of your perinatal distress. 

We will work on developing other coping skills to make sure that you don’t feel like you are drowning. These skills are only part of the solution. We also need to start looking at the people around you, and how they can be more of a help to you.

With the right help and support, you can move to a place of real excitement about this stage of your life. You can feel the love for your child that you’ve dreamt of, and you can experience the success as a parent that you want to make happen.

QUESTIONS ABOUT THERAPY FOR POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION OR DISTRESS...

By now you have an idea of how this kind of help will start to change things in your life, but you’ve probably got questions and a cute, snuggly, totally dependent someone that might make it seem like getting help is impossible.

Here are some common questions:

1. How do I leave the house when a tiny baby depends on me?

Leaving the house with your young baby, who is constantly either being fed, changed, or needing you to hold them so they can nap, can definitely add to the overwhelm you are feeling in the first place. 

Please know that my office is set up as a comfortable space where you can absolutely care for your baby and participate in counseling at the same time. If you feel comfortable, you can nurse, bottle feed, and change your baby right in our therapy room. We also have a large bathroom that can be utilized for especially dirty diapers. 

If leaving the house brings too much extra stress, or you’re still in the early phases of recovery from birth, then we can hold our counseling sessions online, with a secure video chat program. You don’t have to leave the comfort of your own home if you don’t want to! 

2. I have other kids besides this new baby. Can they come to the office too if I don’t have childcare? 

Absolutely! We have a large waiting area with toys and books and drawing supplies that your kids can play with while you receive counseling. We also have snacks and drinks for them.

If appropriate, they can come and go between the therapy room and the toys, or bring the toys into where we’re doing our counseling if they want to be close to mom or dad. New babies have an impact on each member of the family, and it may even be helpful to have the whole family present. 

3. My partner will never go for this, and they are the one I need help from.

It can be easy to overlook the needs of your partner during this overwhelming time, but they are experiencing this event as well, which can bring a high level of stress that is unique to how they see their role in your family.

It might help to acknowledge their feelings and emotions, and for them to understand that it is my job as the therapist to help your whole family, and to address the issues that each person is having, so that you can work together and support one another as you grow your family.

4. I’m just not sure counseling will help. It’s not like I can give the baby back…

This type of thinking, while normal, can be indicative of more severe postpartum distress. It’s important that you recognize that you don’t have to stay stuck feeling this way. Together, and perhaps with the help of your doctor, we can figure out how to bring some light into the dark space you find yourself in.

YOU CAN FEEL LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN

*Kleiman, K. R., & Davis Raskin, V. (2013). This Isn’t What I Expected (2nd ed.). Boston, MA: Da Capo Press.
**Kleiman, K. R., & Davis Raskin, V. (2013). This Isn’t What I Expected (2nd ed.). Boston, MA: Da Capo Press.
***Sebastian, L. (2017). Overcoming Postpartum Depression & Anxiety (3rd ed.). Omaha, NE: Addicus Books, Inc.